7 emotions of a young carer

The experience of being a carer can run from helping someone with mild physical limitations to do a few activities or tasks, all the way to providing round-the-clock care for a person with a high level of need, whether that be physical, mental or both.

Whatever the need, the challenge is always compounded when the carer is young.

Mike’s experience of being a young adult carer began when he was 22, after a close family member developed a severe mental health condition.

Here he talks through some of the most common emotions of being a young carer.

Confusion

This originates in one of two ways, depending on how the caring role begins.

For those who have been carers from a very young age, the situation may initially seem normal because it’s all they’ve ever known. But as they get older and discover that their friends don’t carry out the same caring role, they may find it confusing. Why doesn't their mum/dad need them to help out like mine does? For many very young carers, real childhood is something they never experience.

In cases where the family member suddenly falls ill and the young carer is much older, the situation is a lot more jarring and disorientating. With caring, you learn on-the-job, and the upheaval and reversal of roles can be difficult to adjust to.

Loss

When a loved one develops a serious mental health condition, it can often feel like a death has occurred. There is not enough time and too much risk for you to leave the person you care for on their own, so your social life evaporates.

If you live with other family members who help to care, this is alleviated somewhat, but for those who live on their own it can be an excruciatingly solitary experience. The sense of loss can be profound.

For a very young carer, the loss may not be felt until many years later, when they realise that in many ways, they weren’t able to have a ‘normal’ childhood. While they may have gained skills such as independence, compassion and self-reliance, in doing so they missed out on being a child.

Anger

While I loved the person I cared for, I often felt bitter and angry about the situation I was in. How could they do this to me, to my life? It wasn't their fault, how could it be? But caring is so full of strong and contradictory emotions, that it’s no wonder I was sometimes angry and frustrated.

There was also a sense of guilt and self-recrimination that maybe my family had somehow been the cause of this illness, that we could have done something to stop it. That's not rational, but anger rarely is.

Fear

Fear that the person you care for will never get better. Fear that they’ll hurt themselves. Fear that you and your family will never get your lives back. Fear that you will be trapped in this demanding situation forever. These are all thoughts I had, which became more prevalent as the years went past.

Fear can go both ways. Parents who are cared for by their young children may often be afraid to seek help from local authorities as they fear their child will be taken away.

Exhaustion

One of the worst aspects of being a long-term carer is exhaustion. When caring for someone with a mental health problem, you sleep very lightly, and the slightest noise can have you wide awake in seconds. Are they wandering around again? Are they trying to get outside? What will I find if I go downstairs at 3 o'clock in the morning?

And during the day, if they keep pestering you over and over, telling you their fixations and delusions, it can seem endless when you try to explain everything is going to be alright.

When young carers are trying to combine the efforts of school, exams, university and  part-time jobs, all with the focus of trying to better themselves and improve their prospects, it can often feel like there’s not enough time to do everything.

Loneliness 

The person you love seems little more than a ghost most days. You often don't get time to go to school, college or university. You don't really see your friends any more. You ask yourself "why me?" But there’s no real answer. It’s just one of those things, with no-one to blame.

The sense of having no route of escape, no way out of the situation, makes the world seem like a grey and lonely place.

That is why it is absolutely vital that carers' groups and social support for carers, especially young ones, are given the chance to exist. Seeing that you are not alone and that a happy, productive life is possible is essential for the wellbeing of carers. This is especially true for young carers, who may be going through a difficult enough time in adolescence as it is, when loneliness is often commonplace already.

Hope

And yet, despite all this, something keeps most carers going; love for the person they care for, determination and grit, or the presence of a support network which can facilitate and reinforce these qualities and emotions. Life can continue, and continue well, provided that the young carer is given what they need to make the most of a very challenging situation.

I was lucky that I had the Rosewood Involvement Centre, which rescued me from my feelings of gloom and isolation and reminded me that I am never alone as long as I am with people who have known the struggle of caring, and can offer support in good times and bad.

It’s worth remembering that people can recover. My loved one has made a full recovery since September 2014, and there has been no relapse since. I'm cautious, but it feels as though life may have gone back to normal forever.

Still, I take it one day at a time, and am mindful that so many others may never recover. Some young people may be carers for decades to come, or even their entire lives.

It is vital that we never forget what carers do for our society, especially young carers, who need extra support to help them achieve their full potential in life.

For information about caring, or if you’re a carer looking for advice or support, visit Carers Trust.

How to keep your kids on the nice list

Christmas with kids is supposed to be one of the best parts of being a parent. But a change of routine, arguing over presents and over-indulgence can all make your child’s behaviour a Christmas nightmare.

Kate Simpson - Early Years Specialist Practitioner, and Fran Breed - Health and Family Support Worker, from Sure Start, gave us their top tips on managing your child’s behaviour at Christmas.

Stick to your routine

It’s difficult with so much going on, but try to stick to your routine as much as possible. This will help you keep a sense of normality and show that your normal rules still apply.

If children are staying with grandparents or with their other parent, have discussions beforehand on how you manage behaviour so that it’s consistent for your child.

Encourage sharing

With all those new toys, there are bound to be disagreements!

It’s natural for young children to think of themselves, so they find the concept of sharing very difficult. Don’t expect young children to want to share their brand new toy – we wouldn’t want to share our Christmas gifts!

Be realistic with your expectations, and give children time to enjoy their gifts before expecting them to share.

You can encourage sharing by setting a time limit using visuals. For example, say ‘when the big hand on the clock gets to the top’, use an egg timer if you have one or set the alarm on your phone. Give lots of praise for sharing and lead by example.

Use praise and positive language

If you only give your child attention for negative behaviour, it’s easy to see why they might want to act up. Try to stay positive, and make sure you notice the good things.

Your time is the best gift

It might sound cheesy, but your presence really is the best present. Children still need quality one to one time, otherwise negative behaviour will present itself.

Choose your battles

Behaviour will be different due to tiredness, being over excited and too much sugar. Keep this in mind and try to have realistic expectations over the Christmas period.

Stay calm and smile!

Don’t put pressure on yourself for everything to be perfect - the things which go wrong can end up being the best family stories!

Try to stay calm and enjoy yourself, and you’ll find everyone ends up in a better mood.


If you’re still struggling with your child’s behaviour after Christmas, you can get advice from your local Sure Start centre. 

A not so merry Christmas

Life can throw up problems at any time of year, but Christmas is a particularly difficult time to be struggling.

Financial problems, too much alcohol and the pressure to have the perfect Christmas can all make the festive period a stressful time.

If the thought of the Christmas season fills you with dread, there is help available.

Issues with alcohol

Alcohol seems to be everywhere at Christmas, and it’s easy to get carried away.

If alcohol is a problem for you or someone in your household, don’t stock up for Christmas – limit what you have at home.

You can get further help and advice from Alcohol Concern.

Money troubles

It sounds cheesy, but remember that the best gift you can give your children is your time.

When you do your Christmas shopping, be careful with credit. Never buy anything on credit until you’ve checked the interest rates and are confident you can afford the repayments.

You should also check that any company you borrow from is the real deal. Loan sharks charge very high interest and often use illegal methods to get the money from you. You can check the financial services register to make sure a company is legitimate.

If you do find yourself in financial trouble after Christmas, most community centres will hold debt management surgeries. They will be able to give information on your local food bank if you need it.

Your local Sure Start centre can also point you in the right direction for debt management advice.

Domestic violence

Domestic violence can happen at any time of year, but more time spent together at home can make things even more difficult.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, you are not alone and there is help out there: 

• Nottinghamshire 24 hour domestic violence helpline: 0808 800 0340 - freephone 
• National 24 hour domestic violence helpline: 0808 2000 247 - freephone 
• Advice line for male victims of domestic violence: 0808 8010 327 – freephone

You can also find advice online at Refuge, Women’s Aid or Men’s Advice Line.

Mental health issues

When everyone seems to be happy and having a wonderful time, experiencing issues with your mental health can feel even more isolating than usual.

If you’re struggling this Christmas, try to talk to family and friends about how you’re feeling. You can also find a listening ear at the Samaritans.

If you need urgent help, visit our help in a crisis page to find the best place to contact.

Get more help

If you’re not sure where to go for help with family problems, your local Sure Start centre can point you in the right direction.

If you’re experiencing issues with your mental health and you’re not in touch with our services, please talk to your GP. If you are using our services, please contact your care co-ordinator for advice.

The power of volunteering

Saturday 5 December is International Volunteer Day. We’d like to say a big thank you to all of the volunteers who help our patients and service users, as well as those who help to shape and improve our services.

Over 250 volunteers and befrienders give up their time to help people at Nottinghamshire Healthcare. There are lots of opportunities available. Our two Involvement Centres are places where people can take part in lots of different activities, from being on interview panels to working on their own personal development.

There are also lots of ways to get involved directly with patients, from helping to collect feedback to serving customers in our tea shops.

Befriending and visiting roles are another important way volunteers help at the Trust. Rampton Hospital has its own befriending scheme, for patients who have little or no contact with the outside world. Befrienders are individually paired up with patients who have similar hobbies and interests.

Befriending is a really important role for patients who don’t have many visitors, as it gives them contact with the outside world and helps to stop them feeling isolated. There are currently 49 befrienders working at Rampton Hospital, as well as befrienders working at some of our other secure hospitals.

Alan Coomes has two voluntary roles with the Trust; supporting patients at Nottingham City Hospital and taking part in ward audits and interview panels as an involvement and experience volunteer. Alan said, “‘I’ve been on my own for a very long time. Volunteering gives me a structure to daily life. I enjoy giving something back.”

“Volunteering lifts me out of the negative feelings and promotes a sense of positivity. It gives me what I describe as the 6 Cs; Care for others, Compassion, Competence, Communication with others, Courage and Commitment.”

Jules is another volunteer, who shares her story with new staff as part of their induction. Jules also volunteers at The Story Shop, a project where people with experience of mental health issues share their stories with others to help raise awareness and reduce stigma.

Jules says: “I like a routine. I like to be with people. Volunteering gives me an opportunity to be with others. It takes me away from my four walls, and I like to think that I make people happy when I volunteer and share my journey as a service user.”

Lots of our volunteers talk about the structure and routine working with us gives them. When people have been unwell and unable to work, volunteering gives them a purpose. Volunteering is of course about giving, but for many people it also gives them something back, too.

If you would like to find out more about volunteering at Nottinghamshire Healthcare, visit the volunteering section of our website.

6 ways to reduce your risk of diabetes

There are currently around 3.9 million people in the UK with diabetes. 90% of these have type 2 diabetes. Sara McKenzie, Diabetes Specialist Dietitian, gave us her advice on reducing your risks and living well with the condition.

Anyone can get type 2 diabetes, and some of the risk factors such as age, ethnic background or family history can’t be changed. The good news is that around 80% of cases of type 2 diabetes can be prevented or delayed by maintaining a healthy weight, eating well and being active. 

If you have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, it is important to make changes to your lifestyle, diet, and activity levels. This will help to control your blood glucose levels and reduce the risk of diabetes causing you problems, now and in the future.

If you don’t have type 2 diabetes, making changes now can reduce your risk of developing it.

Here are our top tips:

1. Eat regular meals

Avoid skipping meals to help you manage your hunger and avoid overeating.

2. Include some carbohydrates

Carbohydrates are used for energy, so include some in your diet every day. However, it is important to choose the right type and amount. Try to include wholegrain options and those that are more slowly absorbed (have a lower glycaemic index), such as multigrain or granary bread, oat and bran based cereals, sweet potatoes, pasta and basmati rice.

Other good choices of foods which contain carbohydrates include fruit and vegetables, pulses, wholegrain starchy foods and some dairy foods. Aim for a fist size of carbohydrate as a portion guide.

3. Eat less fat

Most of us know that reducing our fat intake helps with weight loss. Focus on reducing saturated fats such as butter, cheese, processed meat and pastry, which are linked to increasing cholesterol.

4. Try to eat five a day

Fruit and vegetables will give your body the vitamins, minerals and fibre it needs. Aim for at least 5 a day and try to have a variety. A portion is:

• three heaped tablespoons of vegetables

• one piece of fruit like a banana or an apple

• a handful of grapes

• a tablespoon of dried fruit

5. Cut back on sugar

Having diabetes, or aiming to reduce your risk of type 2 diabetes, doesn’t mean you need to eat a completely sugar-free diet – but don’t over-do it. Here are some easy ways to cut back on your sugar intake:

• Choose sugar-free, diet or no-added sugar drinks
• Buy canned fruit in juice, not in syrup
• Cut out the sugar in your tea or coffee 
• Read food labels and reduce your intake of high sugar foods 
• Use sweeteners instead of sugar

6. Be more active

Increasing physical activity levels is important for weight loss and controlling blood glucose levels. Aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate intensity activity each week, such as walking, swimming or cycling. Moderate activity will will raise your heart rate and make you breathe faster and feel warmer.  

If you are diagnosed...educate yourself

The National Institute for Clinical Evidence (NICE) recommends that all people are offered structured education around the time of diagnosis.

DESMOND (Diabetes Education and Self-Management for Ongoing and Newly Diagnosed), is an NHS education programme for people with type 2 diabetes run by Nottinghamshire Healthcare. DESMOND runs as a small group of people with type 2 diabetes, and is a way of finding out more about managing your condition.

A dietitian can give you personalised dietary advice to help you manage your diabetes. They can give practical guidance to help you make healthy lifestyle and food choices.

Speak to your GP about being referred to DESMOND or being referred to a dietitian.

Think you know about HIV?

It’s been over 30 years since the HIV virus was discovered, and despite huge advances in treatment, there is still stigma and fear surrounding HIV.

While medical breakthroughs mean HIV is now a manageable long-term condition, attitudes have not kept up with these developments.

How does HIV affect someone’s life?

Things have moved on hugely since the virus was discovered in the 1980s. Treatments are now very effective, and although there is still no cure, people with HIV can expect to live long and healthy lives.

Early detection of the virus is best, as it means someone can get the treatment and care they need early. Later diagnosis can affect how poorly someone might become and the impact HIV might have on their life. That’s why it’s really important to get tested if you think you might have been at risk.

Why is HIV still so feared?

In the 1980s, HIV was a new disease and many of the treatments we have now were yet to be developed. Because of this, the outlook wasn’t good. Lots of people remember the shocking TV adverts from around this time. Things have moved on, but many people’s attitudes haven’t.

It may be that there is concern about sending out mixed messages; if we publicise how far we’ve come, people might think they don’t need to worry about HIV. It’s still really important to know the risks, keep yourself safe and to get tested.

How can I get tested?

There are lots of ways people can get tested in Nottingham. The Health Shop offers a friendly and supportive service. We provide pre and post-test discussion. We can also offer the HIV fast test (certain criteria applies) where results are given within the hour.

For people who test positive, we have a clinical psychologist who specialises in working with people with HIV.

There are also other services in Nottingham. The Terrence Higgins Trust is based on High Pavement and offers testing and support. For more information, call them on 0115 882 0121 or email info@tht.org.uk.

Nottingham University Hospitals provide testing at both GUM (at the City Hospital) and Victoria Health Centre on Glasshouse Street. For more information check out nuh.nhs.uk.

Thanks to Lou Wilkins from The Health Shop for providing information for this blog

4 ways to get your child to sleep

If your child has trouble sleeping, it’s an issue which can affect the whole family. Sleep is so important to our wellbeing, and we really feel it when we’re not getting enough.

Sam Parr, Health and Family Support Worker at Carlton Children’s Centre, gave us her advice for a good night’s sleep. So if bed time is a daily battle, or your child isn’t sleeping well, these tips should help:

1. Avoid sugar and caffeine

Caffeine can make it hard to get to sleep, so avoid things like chocolate, coffee and tea.

Sugar filled foods are not helpful either, so biscuits, sweets and cakes should be limited in the run up to bedtime.

If your child wets the bed, it could be because fizzy drinks and cordials can aggravate the bladder. Switch to a small drink of water for a dry night.

2. Switch off

Avoid stimulating activities before bedtime such as watching television or playing computer games.

As well as stopping your child from winding down, light from screens is also known to affect children’s sleep.

Try a relaxing activity instead, such as reading a book or a having a warm bath.

3. Be clear about bed time

Be clear and explain to your child what’s happening. Telling them, “it’s night time, go to sleep” or, “it’s morning, time to wake up” can help them understand what’s going on.

Put your child in their cot or bed when they are still awake and leave them to fall asleep. Staying with them can be a distraction.

4. Stick to your routine

Giving your child a routine is really important for a good night’s sleep. It helps their brain and body clock to know when it’s time to go to sleep, and when it’s time to wake up.

Tips for a good routine:

• Put your child to bed at the same time each day.
• Get them up at the same time each morning, even on weekends.

Clothes and pyjamas are part of a good routine, too. Always change your child’s clothes at night time and make sure that you change them into day clothes in the morning, even if you have nothing planned and a pyjama day would be easier.

Still having problems?

If you need support with your child’s sleep, contact your local Sure Start Centre. You can find more information and contact details on the Sure Start page of our website.

You can also get advice from The Children's Sleep Charity.