You've got a friend in me

Last week we shared Alexandra’s story; a mum helped by her local perinatal support service after struggling with anxiety and depression following her baby’s ill health.

Alexandra’s story isn’t a one-off though, and there are many more families in need of support. Emily, a full-time mum to three boys, is the Perinatal Volunteer Befriender who helped Alexandra to overcome her anxieties.

“I had three very different perinatal experiences” explains Emily. “The baby blues, pinks and a long period of anxiety, brought on by my youngest son’s diagnosis of Down’s Syndrome at three weeks old.

“When I heard Sure Start was looking for perinatal befrienders I jumped at the chance to be involved; it was the kind of support that I’d needed at my lowest periods.

“Alexandra was fantastic to be around and very open about her feelings. We went out and conquered lots of personal challenges together. Today, she is a lot more confident and knows she has great strengths and abilities, especially as a mum. She has overcome a lot in a short period of time. It’s simple but so effective, to know that someone is there for you; especially if they understand how you feel or what you’re dealing with.

“Befriending is great. I get to meet and socialise with lots of lovely new families. I enjoy the work role aspect too; I’ve gained lots of experience from working in the office and completing paperwork.”

“Children's Centres are priceless for mums” says Emily. “They can find out about what services are available that suit their needs and how their families can benefit. Brill!”

If you’re interested in becoming a Perinatal Volunteer Befriender, contact your local Children’s Centre Coordinator.

“Why do I need a Befriender? I’ve got friends, I’ve got family. How can they help me?”

For Alexandra, 31, from Eastwood, the first few months of motherhood didn’t go quite as she’d hoped. However, after finding support from a local befriending service, Alexandra is now sharing her story, encouraging other families who are struggling to access the help that's available.

At six-months-old, Alexandra’s son, Cal, was admitted to hospital as the result of a severe milk allergy; a condition that can cause diarrhoea and vomiting, skin rashes and difficulty breathing. In rare cases, it can also result in anaphylactic shock, a potentially life-threatening allergic reaction. At around the same time as his hospitalisation, Cal also developed a hernia which, after a long wait, eventually led to surgery.

All this took its toll on new mum Alexandra, who was eventually prescribed anti-depressants by her GP. He also suggested she try the Perinatal Befriending Programme, run by Nottinghamshire Children and Families Partnership, part of Nottinghamshire Healthcare.

“I went to my doctor and said ‘I think there’s something wrong with me’” Alexandra explains. “Feeding Cal was like force-feeding. I feared he’d go back into hospital. I was anxious that he wasn’t getting enough milk. Doctors told me ‘try not to let him cry too much, because his hernia may pop out.’ It was exhausting. Mentally, I couldn’t cope.

“I lost the confidence to go out, it was just too stressful. I felt I had no one to talk to. I was really isolated.

“When my doctor first suggested it, I thought: ‘Why do I need a befriender? I’ve got friends, I’ve got family. How is that going to deal with what I’m going through?’ But, I gave it some thought and decided to give it a try."

Soon after, Alexandra was paired with Emily and, from then on, things slowly started improving for Alexandra and Cal.

“After her first few visits, I began to look forward to Emily visiting. She had experienced many of the same issues I had; it was so reassuring to talk to someone who knew how I felt! 

"It was baby steps at first; a walk round the block, then to the local park and, eventually, into town. She went with me to groups so that I wasn’t sitting on my own. She introduced me to other parents. If Cal got upset, she’d remind me ‘it’s ok if he cries.’ She’d recognise if I was struggling and say ‘let’s go.’ She wasn’t too pushy. Some health professionals tend to dictate, but Emily would just suggest ideas. She always let me choose.

“Slowly, my confidence built up. The anxiety, the nerves, all calmed down. And, as soon as I calmed down, so did Cal. Having Emily around helped me to relax.

“Now, things are improving each day. And Cal is eating me out of house and home! Weaning has been a challenge but I’m slowly introducing him to new foods. I’ve started a new job and I’m looking forward to enjoying him this Christmas, without worrying about feeding and hernias! I’ve got a bit more of a spring in my step. I’m slowly coming off my anti-depressants and by next year, I want to be off them completely.”

For more information about Perinatal Support Services, contact your GP, Health Visitor or local Children's Centre Coordinator.