World Mental Health Day: ‘There is hope and where there’s hope you can find help’

World Mental Health Day (WMHD) is globally recognised on October 10^th every year, with the aim of raising awareness of mental health difficulties and sustaining efforts to support mental health.

The theme this year is suicide prevention, enabling people who have experienced suicidal thoughts to share their story in the hopes of spreading awareness and destigmatising mental health issues.

Service user, Debbie, has decided to share her experiences, in the hope that someone experiencing similar difficulties, would read her story and feel as though they are able to get better.

She really wants readers who may be suffering to understand that ‘it can change, and the pain does become bearable and easier to manage.’ 

Debbie has struggled most of her life with mental health issues and she remembers the first time she tried to take her own life like it was yesterday. At the age of 17, she remembers waking up in hospital and the doctor saying: ‘You’re not going to do that again?’

Of course, Debbie’s response was ‘No’. Now, looking back, she feels that if she had been given the right support at that moment, instead of a question she felt she had to say no to, things may have turned out differently for her.

By her early 20s, Debbie was married with a daughter. Unfortunately, her relationship was emotionally-abusive, which led to depression and low self-esteem. She was supported by services through counselling and they really listened and gave her time to think and talk. Ultimately, Debbie did what she believed was the right thing to do and left her husband and her job; eventually starting up her own business.

Debbie remarried, having another daughter within the second, 18-year marriage. She went from strength to strength in this period; but found it hard to cope when her husband was away. She avoided being alone at night ‘like the plague’ and often stayed with one of her friends, who were extremely supportive of her.

Suddenly all the confidence she had grown plummeted when, in 2006, Debbie had a bad car crash.

Afterwards, she could no longer maintain her own business, which led to a complete breakdown and Debbie decided to voluntarily admit herself to hospital. She got to a point which she described as ‘like a physical pain’ and ‘impossible to live with’ and she took the decision to end it all.

Debbie woke up in hospital at the Queen’s Medical Centre (QMC) and was asked by doctors what she wanted. All she could say was ‘I want to go home.’

This was allowed, and support was put in place, so the crisis team could visit and call Debbie at home. She felt that her family were immensely supportive but found it hard to talk to them because she didn’t want them to worry.

She said: ‘It’s hard to explain to someone you care about that you want to die as it goes against everything.’

Debbie had a few self-care issues in this time, but she had an excellent Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) who was positive and made her feel as though she could get through this. The CPN helped her get out of the house and motivated her to do something she was interested in, so Debbie went back to college to study beauty therapy. She was still being supported by her CPN and a fantastic doctor who knew her better than herself.

Then Debbie visited a psychiatrist who referred her to the Mandala Centre. They suggested that Debbie may have a personality disorder, which didn’t make sense to her. Debbie’s self-harm was severe at the Mandala Centre because she felt that ‘none of it made sense and it was a punitive system.’ Debbie refused to accept this diagnosis and realised that it wasn’t getting to the root of the problem. However, after leaving the Mandala Centre, her self-harm became less.

Debbie said:

‘Understanding that most of my issues lie with past trauma helped me understand why I felt the way I did and getting the right diagnosis is important. Trauma therapy is so different from behavioural therapy […] one of the most important aspects in my recovery has been getting the right treatment for my problems.’

In 2011, Debbie started working as a volunteer for the Involvement Team which she felt was interesting and motivating. Though she still felt that her mental health issues were being over-looked by many healthcare professionals who would say: ‘you don’t look like you’ve got mental health problems.’ Her issues were dismissed, and she felt that ‘just when the support was needed, it was gone.’

She felt abandoned, and she had found out something that destroyed everything for her.

Out of nowhere, her husband told her that he wanted a divorce; only finding out later that it was for another woman.

Debbie was devastated, and said:

‘When my husband left it was as if my world closed in on me. The pain was tremendous and encompassed every bit of my life. I felt I was alone and had no options.’

Death didn’t frighten Debbie, and, for the third time, she attempted to take her own life.

She ended up in the QMC again and was then sectioned at Highbury Hospital, where she spent three months. She felt that this time did not help her therapeutically at all but, looking back, it did keep her safe.

The things that helped Debbie most were being listened to and being treated on a level footing. She used the metaphor of a butterfly to describe how patients should be approached within a ward, saying ‘if you just sit quietly, eventually the butterfly will land.’

Debbie said: ‘feeling suicidal is one of the loneliest places you can be’, and completely disagreed with the assumption that a suicide attempt is someone ‘looking for attention.’ She further stated:

‘An attempt at suicide is a last result taken out of the need to stop the pain, to stop a hurt that takes over every cell of your body and it doesn’t end. Understanding what your mental health problems cause and why is a big step forward.’ 

A turning point for Debbie was when she began to see a trauma psychologist after her last suicide attempt. She said: ‘learning about trauma and how it had affected me did make sense.’

Debbie’s life also got better for her when she started working at the Recovery College. Still employed there, she finds it is the most supportive environment she’s ever worked in, allowing her to work to her strengths. She said it has ‘been my saving grace.’

Debbie still has bad days, but she believes they are overridden by the good things in her life. She admits that she still has problems asking for help when she may need it and recognises that she needs to understand what to do before she can’t cope.

She believes: ‘There is hope and where there’s hope you can find help. Learning to ask for that help is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do but it feels good.’ Debbie has learnt to say when she is struggling and has had nothing remotely self-harming for 4 years.

Now, Debbie has a boss, GP and Psychiatrist who listen and help her to cope. Debbie believes she finally has her enjoyment back and expressed that ‘nothing works until the person with mental health problems, makes the decision that they want to change.’

She said: ‘I think I’ve had a fantastic journey through services, with one or two exceptions.’ For the first time in 48 years, she is living on her own, which Debbie sees as a great accomplishment from where she had been. Journaling is something that helps Debbie express her thoughts and has been a big help to her. Though, she recognises that everyone is different and so an individualised approach to recovery is important.

Debbie believes the Recovery College is great because it gives people the resources to help themselves. She also believes that normalising mental health issues makes you feel included and not isolated. This is why it is important to spread awareness and destigmatise mental health issues, as this enables people to feel as though they can speak up and seek help.

Debbie is part of a bloggers group at the Recovery College and they believe that being valued, praised, and listened to, are the most helpful ways to approach people who are experiencing mental health issues.

If you, or someone you know, is experiencing mental health difficulties and wishes to seek support please see the links below:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/

https://www.nottinghamshirehealthcare.nhs.uk/help-in-a-crisis

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/support-and-information/worried-about-someone-else/difficult-conversations/