"Our family life was changing beyond recognition": Nicky's story

The Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) Self-Harm Team run a support group for parents of children who self harm. One of the mums from the group, Nicky, shares her story.

It’s hard to express how I felt when I discovered that my daughter was self harming. I lived with constant anxiety, worry and in a state of nervous tension, feeling a mixture of guilt and shame, wondering what I’d done wrong and how I could have supported her better.



I faced lots of difficult decisions and had numerous questions. All of a sudden the shape of our family life was changing beyond recognition. My daughter's problems were impacting upon all of us and how we related to one another, and we were having to learn completely new ways of communicating and being together. As Mum, I felt like the burden of care rested on my shoulders along with the responsibility of running the home, doing a full time job etc.

Attending the CAMHS parent support group has been such a help to me. There’s the opportunity to share stories and experiences, find answers to some of your questions, discover what works for other families and to meet people with similar struggles.

Gradually I found myself sharing more of our story, finding it easier to talk about it with others. I learnt new strategies, offered suggestions from my experience and began to feel more in control and more confident in my own ability to cope.

Listening to others helped me recognise things we were facing and had been through and to see the progress we had made over the months which was often such small steps that it could easily have been overlooked and sharing our progress gave others hope too.

Having experienced professionals facilitating the group makes it feel a safe space to be ourselves and share what’s real to us. It creates a supportive environment, where everyone’s experience and insight is valued, respected and learnt from.

Being part of the group empowers you, it makes you feel less alone, vulnerable, helpless and afraid and therefore better able to manage your own wellbeing and that of the rest of the family.

Joining the email mailing list has given me opportunities to share my experiences more widely. I’ve also been part of helping the Trust make significant decisions relating to supporting carers and developing CAMHS provision, such as  interviewing new staff, the design of the new CAMHS building and joining the Carers Strategy Implementation Group.

People talk about the group as a transformative lifeline to parents. Thank you to Marie and Caroline who have been running it for several years now, and to the Trust for investing in supporting carers, recognising their importance in supporting youngsters and enabling them to become more effective partners in caring for troubled teenagers 24/7.

Look out for another parent's story on the blog next week. If you would like any further information about the group please contact Marie Armstrong, Nurse Consultant – Self-harm or Caroline Prance, Clinical Nurse Specialist CAMHS Crisis Team:

Marie.armstrong@nottshc.nhs.uk    

Caroline.prance@nottshc.nhs.uk  

Tel: 0115 8440560