We asked Holly Wilson to help us start a conversation about suicide. Here are her thoughts.
Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse; it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better.
Suicide is one of those words that can silence a room of the loudest speakers. A concept that creates irrational feelings and stigmatic comments. A killer that is ignored by the masses. But why? Fear? Ignorance? Denial?
But not talking about suicide, not talking about suicidal thoughts and feelings, ignoring it exists or not caring that it does, does not mean it won’t happen. In fact, it increases the likelihood that it will.
Supporting someone who is feeling suicidal or is experiencing suicidal thoughts can be difficult. Talking about how we feel and what we’re thinking can be hard, and seeing and hearing a loved one in so much distress can be upsetting, but it is important to remain calm and not over-react. People don’t expect others to save them; they just need someone by their side to offer a hand to hold, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on as they save themselves.
The main aspects of supporting someone are compassion, encouragement and listening. Advice isn’t always needed, just someone to show they care. In the moment what people need more than anything is to know they’re not alone.
Try to avoid asking questions – people may not necessarily know why they feel the way they do. Encourage them to talk about their thoughts and feelings, and to seek treatment and support to work through things.
Help them to find things to distract themselves and things they can do to build their self-esteem and help them feel better about themselves, to give their life meaning. A helpful list of distractions can be found here.
People become suicidal for many different reasons, and it could be that they want to end their experience rather than their life, so talking through these feelings can be very helpful. A common myth is that suicide is selfish, but this could not be further from the truth. Feeling worthless, hopeless, a burden or alone is not selfish; on the contrary in fact.
Suicide is preventable. It isn’t inevitable. Be kind, always.
When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long.
Everyone has times when they feel down, or stressed, or worried. But for some people this can turn into a prolonged depression, crippling anxiety, and a hopelessness found only at the depths of despair. Feeling helpless or worthless, feeling as though things will never get better, and feeling so painfully negative they cannot see the point in carrying on.
But things can get better, if only they are given the chance to.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I know how it feels to be suicidal; to see no alternative than ending my own life. I have been suicidal, and I have attempted to take my life in order to end my pain. After being in a battle with my own mind, fighting depression, anxiety and self-harm for years, I was a broken shell of my former self. Lost were my ambitions, my love of life, my smile and my ability to see past the thoughts, feelings and pain that had taken over everything I was once was.
For a long time I thought my life was over, that I could no longer accomplish anything I wanted to do. But the moment I spotted a glimpse of some kind of light at the end of a very up and down tunnel, I saw that things could, and would, improve. I didn’t give up; I fought. And the compassion and support of those around me hands-down was instrumental in my regaining hope.
Winning the battle was the most difficult thing I have ever done, but having the support of the people around me made me fight, and made me believe in myself; a belief that laid the foundation from which my recovery has since flourished, and began the incredible journey of discovery that I continue to live every day.
Rebuilding your life is hard, fighting a war with your own mind is hard, defeating strong thoughts of suicide is hard; but it is possible to get out of the darkest of places, if you just give yourself the chance. Yes there will be bad days, but there will be good ones too, and life will become more incredible than you could possibly imagine. I am so glad that my attempt was just an attempt, because life has gotten so much better since then and if I had ended my life I wouldn’t have given it the chance to.
Believe in your ability; you are so much stronger than you believe. Suicidal thoughts and feelings do not have to destroy you. You can live with this, you can overcome these challenges, because you are strong, and you are tougher than whatever you are going through. There is support out there, you are not alone. And it can, and it WILL get better. I am living proof of that.
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